Katie's BMT Updates

I want you to be well now, too. I haven't been able to read your blog for a while because I can't access it while at work at Lockheed Martin (where I build defense systems, all very confidential), so I am catching up. I miss you.

Did you read Murakami's essay on how he became a writer in the New Yorker Summer Fiction issue? I totally loved it and so did Jerod. I wanted to crawl inside it and live there. He presents a compelling case for doing what you want and doing it well and persevering. As I read it I thought you would like it so I have saved you a copy just in case you didn't get to it.

I am jealous because in one of the blog postings it is mentioned that Zach said he needed to go poop in the poddy -- how did you get him to do that? Luce is not interested. He likes diapers.

I really miss you. Pate and cornichon, here we come...

Oh my darling,
If I were there, I'd give you a big hug right now. It sounds like you need one.

For what it's worth, I still think you're as bad-assed as they come :-)

I've been re-reading this book I studied last semester called "Poetic Medicine: The Healing Art of Poem Making" by John Fox. I wanted to send you an excerpt of a poem I read today that made me think of you...in case you need a reminder that it's okay to express your grief and frustration:

"Do not be careful
Do not be contained
or proper or polite.
Do not wipe your tears away.
Taste them on your lips
and know that you have graced yourself today."
--Jodie Senkyrik

Hugs,
Meredith

Katie-

You will always be a bad ass in my book. Stay strong and keep hanging in there.
lots of love and big hugs,
Gucci

Katie, hang in there! We're routing for you here in New York City.

It's not too much longer and you'll be feeling better. Time surely feels slow right now but it will speed up, as it always does. And soon all this will be a distant memory and you, Zach, and Ian will be visiting the Big Apple. We'll all be enjoying a day at the Museum of Natural History (fun for kids and adults!). Oh, and of course, MORE than making up for all the meals you're missing right now. I haven't spent 6 years here for nothing -- I've eaten my way through this city to share all the best places with you all! ;)

Many hugs,
xoxo Marie

OK, Katie, you are hanging in there. This time I am writing to salute Ian.

Ian, you are the man. Bless you for all that it takes to help Katie through this. Until one has been up close and personal with a dear one in a challenge like this, it is hard to understand the stress. Sick folk can have mercurial changes in body and mind--you must be the rock of Gibralter. You have a job that needs you, a wife who needs you, a son who needs you. Each is geographically and emotionally in a different place. You are challenged to be all things to all people. Here's to Ian! Not only am I cheering for Katie, I am cheering for you. Take very good care of yourself. It is true what is said--if you don't take care of you, you can't take care of anyone else.

By the way, has Zach found anything in the mail yet?

Love, Eva

Katie,
I'm thinking of you-- would love to pull out our Osho Deck and show you where your wings are : ) Keep your chin up-- You are Bad Ass, afterall!

Love you,
Dara

Katie,
I read your blog this morning and have been meaning to write all day, but Jessie would have none of it. She got her first fat lip yesterday -- thought it would be cool to take her little scooter down a step. Didn't go so well.

Well, I'm glad you don't have C. Difficile. That's one less thing, right? But, I'm sorry things haven't gone well today. They will get better!!!!! There are always bad days and good days. (Stupid bad days!) Hang in there.
xxoo,
Lisa

Katie -- it's 9:00 p.m. now and I hope you are feeling much better this evening.

Try not to let all these ups and downs cause you a big KO! You keep your dukes up and keep swinging away. Dig way down deep inside you. . .to that place where all your strength resides and call it out!!

And while you are fighting the good fight, the rest of us are screaming, "Katie! Katie! Katie!" We all know you can do it and not a single one of us is leaving your side. You are surrounded with our strength, love and positive energy. Feel it. . .embrace it. . .drink it.

You are not alone. . .

Love,
Jean

"...so sick of this already." Yes. We want you home, too. Tonight, Zach gave me a driving lesson (with new steering wheel) and reminded me about blowing the kiss to you. (I had set a place at the table for you).
We lamented you weren't here and wished you to be here. Be here. Be here. Be here.

Katie,
Even when you are sick, tired and dealing with daily scary things, your wit and energy jump off the screen. You are REMARKABLE!

Keep on writing because you may have a book in these wonderful, readable and candid postings. Yes, that little nudge to write would be from me. :-)

Just saw Wall-E and Ian's name in the credits. SO COOl. I imagine Zach has lots of WALL E toys.

Know that I think of you more often than I write.
Sending you "white light".

XOX Susan

Katie - keep fighting, girl. I'm so proud of you for being in this and showing everyone your strength. I love reading the blog, and hearing your step by step. Its an amazing sharing your heart and soul in the most difficult situation imaginable. And I'm thinking of you all the time. What would Sir Douglas Haig say? More tanks!!! And he would pee in his gun to keep it cool. Just remember, at least you're not in a trench, right?

Big hugs,
Dan

I must confess that I have not been able to read your blog this week. I'm sorry to hear that your blood count is low. We're thinking of you...bad ass!

Dear Katie,
We are having troulbe with our phone and they arecoming to fix it today. SO-o-o, I havn't been able to get your POSTS or write because I keep getting thrown off of the computer. Anyway, it's Okay to get down and out and wail and scream and then let it go. Lots of cultures do this as a normal thing and are considralby healthy. I read this about the Indians,
Anyway, I ahve something that I want to share with you-a page that I have earmarked in A JOURNEY TO THE HEAT by Melody Beattie. It has helped me tremendously during dark days.
"Are you feeling powerless? Have circumstances taken a turn you don't like? Do yu feel there's nothing you can do to make today better? One power that's always available to you is the power to love yourself.
Sometimes we feel powerless. We have circunstances in our lives we simply cannot change, no matter what we do to create something different to move the situation along. Nothing in life seems to be going our way. It's not that we're doing anything wrong. We aren't off our path. the energy of that particular time in our lives is frustrating. there is no action we can take to change our circumstances. All we can do is surrender to the circumstancs, sccept what's happening and stay in the moment.
Durin those times, ther is on action we cantake that will help. We can love ourelves. It's one power no one can tke away"
And Katie when you can't do this, we all here can and will until youare able.
Just let me tell youhow special you are to me and to the world. You are unique with great qualities, one of which is to express yourself openly and honestly. You have helped all of us to help you and that is a wonderful gift.
Just keep on keeping on and the good stuff will start to flow again.
Love you bunches,
Mom

When this is all over you will be able to say "I beat Cancer!" Your the baddest bad ass I know.

Curtis

Dear Katie,
I can kind of relate to the bad days. This is not a competition but to let you know that this too, will soon pass and happy days will be here again.
When your dad was diagnosed with Chrondra Sarcoma in 1980, he had to have surgery in Columbus, the days before computers and cell phones. It was right after Christmas and it was snowing and icing and downright cold. Well, I was waiting for his surgery to be over and it was and the surgeon came out and told me your dad was alright. But he might be paralized from the waist down due to some complications from the surgery. Well, my world crashed. But then your dad woke up and moved his toes, then his feet, and then his legs and at that moment his cancer didn't seem so bad. He was alive and could walk and talk and we had so mcuh to hope for. I guess someone upstairs was trying to jolt me into reality and give me another kick start.
And we had so many friends who were loving me and your dad into health and it worked. Remember all the good times at the beach and all the fun parties at the Montgomery's, picnics on the river, the summer in Nebraska etc?
So just keep on Trolleying or Untrolleying at this point and you will be alright because you are blessed.
Love,
Mom

Hey Katie-
Hang tight! I read in a UK study that, statistically speaking, people who can convince Briggs and Stratton to "donate" a generator that is so large that it requires a loading dock to a TV production company just so said company can take it apart and film the inside, have the highest probability of avoiding prolonged exposure to "rock bottom". And that those people quickly find their way back to - as the study says - "bad ass-y-ness." (which has nothing to do with the loose bowels you've been experiencing, but sounds like it should).

Dear Katie,
We have a new kitten- a black one with white feet-Boots to follow Mittens. I saw a flyer and called becasue I saw the balck little one and just knew that would be my Boots. I went and saw and chose and brought home that little black bundle of fur named Boots. He's a terror but a lot of company and I do so miss Mittens. Actualy he has settled in quite well. Don sadi that he saw Boots unpacking his suitcase this morning.
I have some major neat stories to tell you about the vet later.
Love Ya,
Mom

Oh Katie,

I am with you in my heart. It's okay to feel melancholy, it's exactly how your body feels. It's all about the sync and probably part of the healing process. But please know you are bound to bounce back stronger than ever.

Today I am listening to the cd you made for me, I love the music you picked out. Red House Painters, Beth Orton, Flaming Lips, Beck and others. I think of you every time these songs come up on my shuffle.

Miss you so much! Shirley

oh hon, it bears repeating- you can be vulnerable and be a major bad ass. You can have a shitty day, and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. You are also totally allowed to mourn the loss of your hair. We all still think you are Wonder Woman. Look how loved you are. You said how much you liked the posts and we all jumped to. Buenas Noches.
Shona

Not only a bad ass, but a rock star! And even rock stars feel like crap sometimes... When you're feeling up to it, just remember to tear your room apart before you leave (I suggest throwing the tele out the window. It feels sooooooo good ;-) In the meantime, put on a killer Pink Floyd record and think about all your fans... There are a lot of us out here!

Cheers,
Aaron

Good Morning, Katie!!!
It is cool and breezy this morning and feels refreshing. We are about to cut the grass again, it's so long that the cats get lost in it. think I'll hide the fertilizer from Don next year!!! I have to take the dogs for a walk becaseu they expect it or they will have sad faces all day.
Boots is really settling in here-he's an sctive dude during the day but quite surpising he's quiet at night and sleeps on the rocking chair with one of my bears. He really is cute and have a loud motor, running all the time.
I still have to tell you about the vet. But later on today. They must of fixed the phone becasue I got on line lickity-split. So I guess I'm good to go. SMOKING!!!
I'm trusting that all is well today with you-let's see a picture of you with the hot red wig!!! Miss you and have you in my thoughts all day long. I even printed a picture of you up in the hospital and carried it around in my pocket while I was working-hope you didn't get too warm!!!
Well kisses and hugs from me here in Oklahoma-Love Ya!!
Mom

Dear Zach, Zoe, and Maizie,
I love you guys and hope you are having an OK summer. Zach, I know you miss your mommie but so gald that you can visit and have Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy to take care of you. Zoe, I know your mommie must be real busy with Maizie. Babies are a lot of work aren't they? But I am sure you are a lot of help.
Lots of Hugs and kisses to you all.
Grandma Barb