Katie's BMT Updates

Ok, so I have been very up front and honest with you since day one and I can't stop now! Give up the dairy, I chose to be stubborn and didn't give it up and ended up in the hospital for 30 days, not trying to scare you but I to saw giving up cheese and my weekly treat of chocolate milk as the end of the world and found out that GVHD in the digestive system is not fun. I wish I could tell you the magic words to make dealing with the anxiety and doubt easier, but I can't. I will tell you that you adjust and the little speed bumps that I encounter now don't rattle me as much as they used to. I guess what I can tell you is that it does get easier to manage! Life does get back to "a new normal" you just have to give yourself time to heal and it is a long process. I think the best thing I can tell you now is that everything you are feeling is in sync with what all of us other transplanters have felt. I had to smile when I read your post, I can remember not being able to get past the "moonface" and the "weight gain" and I not only didn't have a moonface, but I actually lost weight on prednisone. I understand your fears completely, and I think you are doing a tremendous job of dealing with all of this. It takes a very strong person to deal with this and conquer the road ahead, there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just tends to be a very long tunnel :)
As always I am here if you need someone to talk to or if you have any question. I continue to keep you in my thoughts!

Brandy

Hello Katie!

Sorry to hear the stomach pain is still there, and about the temporary break from dairy. I remember meeting a woman in a workshop who revealed that at some point as she aged, she became lactose-intolerant and thus could no longer eat cheese. I was so aghast by this, I thought about making her a condolence card with the message "my sympathies on your loss of cheese." I am sending you a mental version of one of these cards now, though of course yours is a temporary loss. A cheese hiatus, if you will.

As for the control issues and the struggle with uncertainty, I know it well. Like you said, there will always be uncertainty. What's helped me is to know that whatever happens, I am capable of handling it. Just as you are capable. Because we are fundamentally capable people, though we have our moments of weakness and doubt.

And if we should find ourselves temporarily incapable, we have friends and family at the ready, to help us through anything. It's tempting to keep an eye on the black abyss, but don't gaze into it too long. When you're tempted to, feel the pull of all the people who love you drawing you back from the edge. When you're feeling teetery, lean back on those of us who are thinking of you, for as long as you need until you regain your balance. We will continue to hold your hand through your journey.

much love (and midnight rambling),
Charlene

Hi Sweetie....
Your words and thoughts(thru your postings) are very touching to me....and I know to many others. Thank you for sharing such a private part of your life.
Tho I don't write often it is not because I haven't been thinking of you. Each day as I check your site I marvel at you.
I applaud your support group as they rally around you and "tell it like it is". All of that love sent your way every day!! I send you energy daily for whatever you might need - be it a sense of humor, an optimistic outlook, relief from pain, joy with your family, good food, etc. Take what you want from the universe of love. Your needs are being met.
As for your "so called friends" of anxiety and doubt....just don't visit with them too long. You can entertain them for awhile (have your way with them) and then "Kick them out of bed"! Welcome in an acceptance that all will turn out as it should in the total scheme of things.
Welcome gratitude (He's a good lover)....Peace and joy follow your good thoughts.
Thanks for the TV Top 10.
I just caught the repeat of the first episode of Mad Men. It was opposite America's Test Kitchen and almost lost out, but they were doing barbeque chicken and since I don't have a grill Mad Men won. I then watched the 2nd show Sun.eve. WOW....having worked in corporate life for the same company for 13 years starting in 1965, I can tell you it sure brought back memories. If they needed a contributing writer I could tell some tales. Sure wish we could have watched it together so you could have filled me in on the characters and their dirty little secrets. FUN.
SO....I sincerely hope you're able to handle all that is on your plate (even if there is no cheese)!

I think it is great to be "vain" at any time, place or age. So, just continue being that way.

Hey Katie - Just wanted you to know I check your blog every 2nd or 3rd day for news about you. So I'm thinking about you lots, and constantly sending good thoughts your way.

I haven't eaten dairy pretty much for 5-6 years now and don't miss it. In truth, dairy is not a healthy thing for any human's body. Think about it - its meant for baby cows, not humans. In fact, that's why most of the world is lactose intolerant. We can't even digest human milk after we reach a certain age.

I know its hard to give up cheese and ice cream, but you know what - there are some awesome soy cream desserts that Trader Joe's and Double Rainbow make that are AWESOME. Try the Cherry Chocolate Chip and Mango Vanilla. Yum.

Here's a few links to help you cut the tether with dairy:
http://www.milksucks.com/index2.asp

http://www.realityofnature.com/eating-habits/6-reasons-to-stop-drinking-milk-today/

(My favorite line from this 2nd link is: "We are the only species on Earth that regularly and happily consumes the breast milk of another species. At the same time, sitcoms and humorous books make light of many people’s “gross factor” when it comes to the breast milk of human women; it just doesn’t make any sense."

Big hugs! And tell Doubt and Anxiety to take a rest and come visit me. Lord knows they do that often enough.

Dan

oh, doubt and anxiety, pain and fear. All the dark cousins to joy and contentment. You know what I'm going to say, so I just wanna encourage you to keep saying it all out loud and not letting it gnaw away inside or just to the inner circle, you know, release it to the universe.
Remember way back when, whilst you were neutropenic and all you wanted was your own giant watermelon and maybe some blackberries? I say don't try to replace the dairy, just have some more melon. And, when the forces of good have triumphed over evil in our ongoing saga of GvHD, that grilled cheese will be the best grilled cheese you've ever had. I promise we'll bring over a trough of Bi-Rite Creamery ice cream to wash it down with.
love,
Shona

See, now I feel like it was just cruel to bring you cheeseboard pizza, but hopefully you finished it before the stomach aches started.
Hang in there, Katie, we're thinking about you everyday.
CL

At various times in my life my digestive track has revolted against milk products. During one of those times I discovered Veggie Slices, a cheese substitute. It's probably banned in Wisconsin--did you know that yellow oleomargarine once was, too? (It came in a plastic bag with a capsule of yellow dye that could be kneaded into the oleo. I remember your grandmother doing it.) The Dairy State has had its fusses about "fake" dairy products. Veggie Slices make an acceptable grilled cheese-type sandwich. They come in a variety of cheese-type flavors--American, cheddar, Swiss--and are usually tucked in the refrigerated soy products at the grocery. The Dairy Council is a powerful lobby. . .wouldn't want it mistaken for cheese. Or Silk for milk.

Your pluck will see you through this, too, dear Katie. Keep the blogs coming. Each one cheers your readers by the resiliancy you show.

Blessings, Eva

Dear Katie,
Hopefully, by now you are feeling better. I am lactose intolerant, myself and sometimes I can eat dairy and sometimes not. I just never know but sometimes I get doubled over with the pain. But it is not too bad most of the time. For that I am grateful.
We finally got a break in the weather today-it is raining and cool-70 degrees. what a relief!!! Don and I spent all day looking for tires for my car. My tires were totally shot due to the gravel roads out here and I ahve had a few flats and that gets annoying. Luckily there has been really nice people around to help me out. But now I have good treads on.
I am having a difficult time getting used to my partials-they have not been able to adjust them to where I can eat with them-too much pain. But I keep the faith that I will eventually get it right and be able to have them be a part of me.
Well, Katie, keep on keeping on and rely on friends and family to keep the faith for you when you are tired and just can't.
Love you lots.
Mom

Cheese... That is a tough one no doubt. Especially for a foodie like you (takes one to know one ;-) But hey.. you were a vegetarian for years, so you can do this...

I recently gave up coffee for tea - something I NEVER thought possible. But I was getting really bad acid reflux, and couldn't deny that my old friend coffee wasn't helping. I guess when the body needs something, you gotta oblige. The good thing though, is that the occassional cup o' joe I do have tastes WAY better then before! So hey... think how amazing that first grilled cheese will taste when the ban is lifted!

In fact, I have a feeling that once you're through this, many things in life will look, taste, smell, and feel more amazing then ever before. And I look forward to hitting some killer NorCal restaurants together to share that with you and the fam!

Hang in there Katie... You're doing great, and we're all pushing for you.

Love and cheers,
Aaron

Thanks for writing this.