Katie's BMT Updates

Man, I assert it's not just the prednisone, but rather something in the air/water/etc.

I can't sleep, Marie's can't sleep, we know lots of people who also can't sleep, all within the last couple of months.

I finally gave up and started taking a nightly benadryl, which seems to help. Prior to that was alcohol, but you don't really want to make a habit of that one...

:)

Hang in there babe. Maybe the temperature drop will help too!

PS - Speaking of alcohol, when you're finally cleared for socialization again, there's a pitcher of margaritas with your name on it...

Dear katie,
I used to have a lot of difficulty sleeping, actually, it was just part of life or so I thought. I had trouble getting to sleep and then staying asleep. When I was having this problem I had some tapes that really helped me. I will try to find them and send them to you. What the heck, anything is worth a try when you get this desparate. As far as Ambien and Ativan are conderned, yes they are addictive as you well know. But when you get over this hump you can gradually wean yourself off of them and I do not think you need to be overly panicky about it. If they help you sleep for now, thenthey are working. You will know when the time is right to get off of them. Once you are more active and in a "normal" lifestyle, whatever that is, sleep will come again.
I enjoyed the pictures of your past life. I have many memories of different cities and all hte people that I have known-Ann Arbor, Marietta,Chapel Hill, Turlock, Atwater, Merced and all the jobs I've had. I have to reach back 40+ years in the recesses of my brain. Yeah, I do that at night sometimes,too and it drives me nuts when I cannot think of a name or place aor situation.
I got your eamil and it was very interesting and will go over it and respond accordingly. Thanks for these wonderful emails-it is goo to communicate with you regualrly.
Sweet Dreams to come-honest!!
Much Love,
Mom

Ah yes, insomnia... I myself laid awake until around 3 last night, and no doubt you will get many comments of the sort. We're definitely right there with ya on this one, although I know it probably doesn't help that you have the added pressure that you NEED to get good sleep to help your body fight. Wish I had a panacea for you on this one...

My family seems to be divided. My Mom (remember from Africa how much she slept?!) Bro, and Sis could all be Olympians of sleep - They not only crash within 3.7 seconds of laying down, but they each average between 8 and 10 hours a night! Bizarre for folks like me and my Pop, who naturally peak at around 6 to 7 hours tops. At least you're constructive with the time though! Great post... You're such a poet and thinker! I myself just wasted the hours watching South Park. Hm. I think I really need to get back to NorCal. ;-)

And actually, I will be this weekend! See you soon!

Cheers,
Aaron

I, too, lived at the Cucumber House. And spent many a long night drinking whatever was handed to me, eating foods that were both healthy and sometimes even yummy. I think about the times we all caroused and learned from each other, sometimes we even fondled each other, but that's off the record, please don't spread any rumours.

Working downtown, I sometimes see people from that time in my life. I never say hello, though, cuz I am wearing a mustache and can get away with not being recognized (Aaahh.... the pleasantries of looking average) and because I'd hate to feel awkward by stammering through explanations of what I've been up to since we last saw each other, or that I never really understood where our friendship faltered. Nope. Way easier to just bury my head in a newspaper or a book and pretend to be someone else.

Nonetheless... I love those people for every laugh and tear we've shared. It was then that sleepless insomnia wasn't a problem. In fact, I'd pose we often kept ourselves awake purposefully to sustain an especially beautiful moment in the moonlight, and eventually the sunrise, until we had to fall on the floor and pass out, only to happily do it again.

That is, except on Sundays when we went to bed shortly after X-Files.

Thank you Katie for introducing me to all of your friends, and staying loyal in our friendship.

love,
The Hog

OK....this is weird.....
I join the ranks of those who couldn't sleep last night. Last glance at the clock said 3:45 AM. In a zombie stage I rushed to get ready for work, but had to check my E's and your blog this AM before I left. SO..there it was in print - INSOMNIA !! UGH....I just left it. No pills here to help. Opening a bottle of wine at 2:30 in the morning didn't seem right. SO...."I feel your pain".
This too shall pass. Enjoy your sleep when it comes...Sometimes our greatest thoughts and memories come as we toss and turn awaiting that peaceful state.
Your pictures were terrific!! Thanks for sharing.

Yes, you knew I had a voice in the choir on this one. I've struggled with the insomnia thing for the better part of my life. When I was a kid my parents were fairly strict about barring refined sugar,and processed foods from the house- which eased over time until there were fishsticks and tater tots (!) in the freezer in my late teens, but that's another story. Anyway, as a little girl, sometimes I would wake up and stumble into the dining room to find my parents eating sweet, creamy forbidden ice cream! So I often felt like I would miss something if I fell asleep. Later on in life I became unable to turn my brain off at night, the world came crowding in when I was trying to settle down. Or I would jolt awake at 3am for no reason at all and then the "I'm going to be so tired if I don't go back to sleep in the next 10 minutes cycle" began.
The pinnacle of my insomnia came, of course, when my mom was battling pancreatic cancer. I would just lay in bed, wide awake, frozen with the dread and fear that I would not allow in the room during the day. This one couldn't respond to any of my usual tricks. The breathing exercises were a joke, I couldn't put anything on a to do list, I couldn't write a script in my head to resolve any issues. No, this one was out of my control, completely and totally. So I read cookbooks. There's nothing anxiety provoking about braised fennel. It's quite nice, actually, comforting, like it might be ok. I still struggle with the no sleep thing, and I've sure tried my share of meds for it, but in the end, cookbooks have never let me down.
I think your trip down memory lane about the Cumberland House was enjoyable to read, and also a good insomniac trick. Maybe when I lay awake tonight instead of going over and over the bs that went down at work, I'll shove it aside for a better story.

Hi, Katie!

I've been out of the loop for a spell--Ruth, 93, had four teeth out under general anesthesia, got pneumonia, etc. etc. The good news is that things are beginning to improve, and I can get caught up on "real life" again.

Seeing the picture of you out with friends was encouraging. Looks like you are starting to circulate again, too.

You may recall that I took prednisone for quite a spell (long enough to gain 25 pounds. . .). Like you, I could not sleep--the drug can be wicked. However, my doc prescribed trazadone. Traz was wonderful--knocked me out fast, good sleep, no hangover. It is not a sleeping pill. It is a fast acting tranquilizer? Maybe your mom knows. For sure, ask your practioners if you are eligible to try it.

Lovingly, Eva

Dear Katie and Cousin Eva,
Yes, I know about Trazadone also known as Deseryl. It is quite an old drug, one of the first effective anti-depressants; But also used as a sleep aide for anxiety. There are so many more effective meds out there now that this is not used very much anymore. But sometimes the oldies are the goodies, that's why some of these old drugs stick around and some docs actually remember using them and try them just in case it will have a good effect. I personally saw good results with Traz, it seems to have very few side effects. It's like Norvasc, one of the first antihypertensives-effective with few side effects. I guess as long as I have been in the business, I still cling to some of the oldies.
So it might be worth a try-thanks for bringing it up, Eva.
Well, I'm getting sleepy with all this talk about insomnia. I sleep so hard for the first time in many, mnay years. Don has breathing problems and is up and down a lot at night and he gets so jealous of all my Zzzz's. He says that sometimes he just wants to jump up and down on the bed and hollar to wake me up becasue he wishes he could sleep like this. I tell him he has himself to thank becasue I feel so serene and good here. Then he just sheepishly says "Oh, thanks-thanks a lot" HA!!! pretty good reply, HUH? But it is true, I even sleep during the day when I work nights and I never used to be able to sleep hardly at all during the day even after working all night. What an absolute blessing this is to me.
Oh, my - the eyes are getting heavy.
Lots of love to you!!1
Mom

I just have to put up a little word or 2 on Cumberland as well as insomnia... so I can go to bed somewhat fulfilled. I didn't actually live at the Cumberland house while you and Ian were there, but Noah and I spent several a tumultuous night sacked out in various room when we needed to. It was a great place to be and gave community ( and More) when I needed it. A good time was had by all- especially the loud queer (asshole) folk downstairs at 5 in the morning! I was usually a bit stoned, drunk , or is a sex coma to be an insomniac then, but now... I'm up all night with none of the above vices to help me out. I'm gonna go lay awake in bed and think about the good old days.
Curtis

Hey Katie,
I've been out of touch but think of you so often.Loved the ten year old "historical" view and smiled when I read your line that it was easier to find a partner and an apartment! Your humor and spirit are intact. I can't even imagine how much courage you have... a Gazillion gigabytes of it.

Loved the photo from Mt. Ring...

Sending you good thoughts and lots of energy.

Love, Susan

Loved the pictures and the Cumberland Stories. What a way to meet and marry your soul mate.

Hi Katie:
So great to see you this weekend -- sleep deprived or not. I myself am a huge fan of Tylenol PM, especially for dealing with jet lag and crossing time zones. Hope you'll be leaping across them again in the near future.

Loved the photos, stories, memories and reflections on your blog. You are indeed the philosopher queen. Also loved seeing you at home surrounded by such love and support. The silver lining of all this must be having the time to reflect -- and seeing just what a loving network of well wishers you have in your life.

Love from one of your biggest boosters, Joan

Hey Katie! We're back in Munich. We were quite impressed by Slovenia. It's a tiny country, about the size of New Jersey, squeezed between Italy, Austria and Croatia, but it boasts a wealth of lovely things, including a bit of coast and amazing caves and mountains. The capital city is an interesting mix of new and old, with a young, English-speaking population, and the vibrant energy of a country about to come into its own.

I hope the insomnia has subsided a bit. You mentioned Zen, and not that I'm very knowledgeable about it, but I think one of the big tenets of Zen is just accepting what is and going with the flow. So if insomnia is what is right now, and sleeping pills are what help make it better, it may be more Zen to accept it and go with it, then to try to resist and do what you "should" do. In the past couple of years, I've grown suspicious of this word "should" -- more often than not, it signals what other people or society want us to do, rather than what *we* want to do. Anyway, that's my bit of philosophy today...

In more practical terms, like I said, I am 9 hours ahead! Do you have an IM client? On both Gmail and Skype, I'm charclam. I can chat with you if you're awake! If you have a particular IM client you use, let me know, and I can get an account, too.

Fall has come to Munich, and I've been holed up at home, sipping tea and resisting going outside. Tonight I do have dinner plans with a couple of expats and a local, so I'm looking forward to a girls night of socializing. Oktoberfest starts on Saturday, so tomorrow I have to go hunting in the second hand stores for some semblance of a dirndl, the traditional Bavarian outfit with the apron and the pushed-up boobs. They can be quite expensive, easily costing 100€ for a cheap-y outfit! That's just not worth it, for an outfit I'll wear only once or twice. I'm also already thinking of which socks I can stuff in my bra, to give myself the proper boobage.

missing you, thinking of you,

Charlene