Spam!
First off, I want to apologize to everyone who now has to "log in" or "register" in order to comment, but I'm afraid it's necessary. I've been getting so much spam it's ridiculous and Ian says that this is the easiest way to make it stop. Thanks for your patience.
That pain is back again ... the one I recognize from before my gall bladder surgery. It's a pain I get under my ribs on my right side after I eat that radiates to my shoulder. We are "watching it" for now, but it scares me ... I don't want any more bumps in the road. I'm really sick of being afraid and worried. I know (logically) that there's no point, but sometimes I can't make it stop. Sometimes I see my life as one big string of health complications. I've been coming across a lot of stories/books about other people's cancer experiences. They are all valid, but I can't help thinking that there are few that have fought the six-years war (although my friend, Laura, has just rounded ten ... she rocks!). I am so done. I am so done. I am so done.
I went to clinic today ... My regular nurse practitioner is on vacation and I miss her dearly (she'll be back next week). In the meantime, I'm seeing this other guy -- who is just fine -- but doesn't really know me. Everything looks pretty good, though ... blood counts holding, weight holding and, in general, my only complaints are that darn pain after I eat, my teeth getting brain freeze every time I bite into something cold (dentist says I am grinding my teeth ... ah, steroids) and the fact that I'm still burning the midnight oil (ah, the steroids ...). And, keeping to the awesome consistency I've been hearing about "how I'm doing" and "what comes next," this other guy says that they will probably start cutting back my steroids in two weeks (My regular NP told me after Christmas). ???
Which reminds me: I keep all my pills in a pill case that divides meds by day (M,T,W) and time of day (morning, afternoon, evening). Last week, I forgot to include my steroids. After two or three days, I started to feel pretty sick and I figured it out. Once I started taking the steroids again, I felt almost immediately better. The reason I bring this up is that it pretty much demonstrates how much I rely on them to feel good.
By now, you can probably understand why I haven't written in awhile. I am feeling a little down and hate to sound like a whiner. My therapist calls it an "existential crisis."
The good news is that, with the steroids, I feel really good. Yesterday, I walked up Westward Drive (very steep) with a bag of groceries and wasn't really winded. My hair is still growing and my scars are fading. My right arm finally stopped hurting from that infiltrated IV I got at the hospital. Also, I fought off a cold over Thanksgiving Day weekend, which means I have some kind of immune system out there ... somewhere.
That's all for now ...
much love,
Katie
P.S. Sorry there's no new picture today, but I will share a cute Zach moment instead: After Zach is done eating dinner and he wants to get lifted out of his seat, he asks for the G-Paw or Daddy crane. The crane is sometimes very broken and makes a lot of abrupt stops and starts, so every time he asks, he straightens up and says boldly, "I am willing to take the risk."
