Zach shaving intently.
The other day, Ian and I visited a perspective preschool. The tour went a little over time, so I felt very anxious to get to clinic. I was so late already. Then, as we crossed Dolores Street to get to our car, I saw a truck coming, probaly a block away. Wanting to get across the street, I started to jog -- or least that was my intention. Instead, my body pitched forward and my legs pretty much stayed where the were. I went down in a kind of slow motion -- cup of coffee sailing, my papers falling out of my bag and scattering. All I could think of was that big truck and that he could hit me and I could die. I remeber thinking "Isn't that ironic. My cancer's not going to kill me. I'm going to get run over by a truck instead). But there were no screeching tires. In fact, the driver had stopped in the other lane to ask if I was OK. I told him I was fine -- I was, basically -- but I got in the car and cried a little. Have you ever truly fallen as an adult? It makes you feel so weird, so vulnerable, so embarrassed.
I had minor road rash on the palms of my hands and right elbow, but my left knee was a mess. The road had torn a hole in my jeans and I saw an open wound about the size of a quarter. It hurt. Luckily, we on our way to clinic. They cleaned the wound and bandaged it up for me. I am still have to change my mega-bandage every day.
My knee is going to take awhile to heal properly. Sometimes I forget and get down on the floor with Zach or crawl into bed at night. Whenever I put pressure on it, it hurts so bad that I let out this surprised gas/pain noise. Then I start to use unsavory language (only if Zach's not around) and, I don't care what anyone says, cursing your head off really makes you feel better.
This experience of falling reminded me so much of a similar fall I had when I was in the 4th grade. We were still living in small town Ohio and I had a best friend that lived in the house directly behind me. Her name is Jill. We used to walk home from school together every day. This day, however, we're walking along and I trip on the sidewalk. I am so surprised that I'm not able to catch myself and I fall, ending up with a bleeding knee. I tried to play it cool, but it hurt and it was bleeding. Jill stooped down at my side looking very concerned. "Let me wipe it with this," she said. She was referring to her brand new, totally awesome pink and blue roller-skating jacket. It was shiny, satin and slick. I loved it --she loved it, yet she was willing press it on my bleeding knee. I protested. I coveted that coat and just couldn't let her do it. In the end, I can't remember if she used her coat or not, but the memory of the gesture remains. It's one of the kindest things anyone's ever done for me.
Since the accident, I've been walking more carefully these days. I may be feeling good, but that's exactly why sometimes I forget that I'm not healed. When I got to the clinic and told my story, my nurse practitioner said that the steroids can make you clumsy, weak and unbalanced (oh, so that's why I keep bumping into walls!). But she also suggested that we should start weaning me from the steroids after Christmas. Since I'm feeling so well (except for the beat up knee), I don't want to get sick over the holidays. Why rock the boat?
I am, however, looking forward to getting off some of these medications. I hope reducing the steroids will be a success ... Then maybe I'll be able to sleep like a normal person.
Take care this week and try not to get trampled by aggressive shoppers ...
Much love,
Katie
Comments (4)
I have *so* been there, Katie. A few months ago I was riding my bike to the transit station. I stopped too suddenly, tottered on my bike for a minute, and toppled over, bike clattering, stuff scattering. Of course the train platform was totally packed. Beyond embarassing. There really is something jarring about falling down as an adult. Hang in there, and I hope your knee feels better soon.
Posted by shannon | December 15, 2008 9:51 AM
Posted on December 15, 2008 09:51
Dear Katie,
I so totally relate to that. I fell in a patient's room. Luckily, the patient had total dementia and didn't notice me. But I got winded up in the telephone cord in the room, without knowing it and started to walk out and BAM, I hit the floor and knocked over a chair. I came out of that with quite a few bruises. But I didn't tell a soul until today. Then about a month ago I was having lunch with a friend and went to sit down and my cahir flew out from under me. It was was such a shock that I was dazed for a split second and then all of a sudden all kinds of people were around me. I told everyone that I was fine but my BUTT really was sore for a while. How embarrassing!!!
I don't have any med excuses, I'm just clumsy as hell. I always have been and have gotten quite a few spained ankles.
So gald to hear that you are feeling better. I wrote a post on the previous blog withoug knowing that you had written another entry. It's about our Thanksgiving-it's kind of memorable.
Lots of love and hugs,
Mom
Posted by Mom | December 16, 2008 10:50 AM
Posted on December 16, 2008 10:50
Twice in my life, I truly thought I was going to be hit by an oncoming car. Once was twenty years ago in Nebraska. Strange how the mind can replay the event with such vivid detail even after so many years. In an instant your mind fills with so many thoughts; time moves into slow motion. I can see the drops of your coffee hanging in the air. I screamed involuntarily. The sound hangs petrified in the vision of the kid in the sports car careening around the corner with dead aim at me. I see his shocked face. He swerved and yelled "sorry" as he missed me by centimeters.
My second near miss was only two weeks ago in front of the grocery store. I was in the crosswalk. Suddenly, a car launched out from a lane of cars with dead aim at me. I tried to run but my feet seem glued to the ground as I watched the elderly driver hit the brake. My guardian angel stopped the car a foot from me. The driver pushed her body against the back of the car seat and closed her eyes. I proceeded to my car wondering if the driver's kids hadn't been threatening to take her car keys away. I hope I will have the sense to stop driving when the time comes.
Meanwhile, dear Katie, thank goodness your story had a happy ending. Nothing worse than a skinned knee is a gift to all of us. Take care of yourself.
Lovingly, Eva
Posted by Eva | December 16, 2008 4:32 PM
Posted on December 16, 2008 16:32
Hi Katie! So glad you escaped with nothing worse than a scraped knee. I loved this post. So funny, so real; I can hear you telling it. And yes, falling as an adult is traumatic. In northern Sweden, they have different standards for sidewalk-clearing. It snows, it rains, then the rain freezes, and you have basically sheets of ice where the sidewalk should be. I wobble around like an old woman, taking teeny steps, so terrified of falling. It takes me forever to walk anywhere. Meanwhile, Swedish girls are walking by in spiked heels. I guess they're used to it.
Anyway, that's all behind me for a month or so! After a couple of whirlwind days of errand-running in New York, we're now on the way to Peru to see Roberto's family for the holidays. (Our carbon footprint is atrociously large.) It would seem that one of the big advantages of living on a different continent is not having to deal with family dynamics over the holidays, but ah well, it will be good to see his siblings. Anyway, it should be interesting!
I've never experienced a summery Christmas before. I imagine the accompanying imagery is quite different. No snowflakes or snowmen. I wonder what Santa's warm weather wardrobe is like. Of course, their holiday might very well be totally devoid of the crass commercialism I usually associate with Christmas! I'm thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful holiday and start to the new year. I'm hoping you've been having more good days and are slowly starting to feel like yourself again. You've had a hell of a year and been through a hell of a lot. Be proud. Stay hopeful. Feel loved -- because you are so very much loved.
Charlene
Posted by Charlene | December 17, 2008 5:26 PM
Posted on December 17, 2008 17:26